Combination of Karma and Feeling Helpless
I’m currently 26 years old. My family was very tight growing up. I was the youngest and only boy of 5 children. My dad (Italian) and my mom (German and Irish). My mom and dad are both pro-life obviously. My two oldest sister are actually my half sister from my mom’s first marriage that my dad raised as his own. I have 10 nieces and nephews. 3 of my sisters are mothers, the second oldest is unable to have kids due to a complication. She did want to have a large family. I currently own my own business.
I met Julie through a friend at a bar shooting pool. We knew each other for about a year and were friends before hooking up. I was engaged when I met her and when we hooked up a year later. My relationship was heading south with my fiance, Kim, of two years. I was a mess needless to say. I brought down the only person who truly loved me because I felt like crap about the situations unfolding in my own life. After my father went to prison I had more financial obligations to take care of as his responsibilities became mine. I always was known for handling my business and that wasn’t the problem. It was how I reacted outside of work. I started drinking constantly and smoking marijuana all the time when I wasn’t working to numb the pain of him not being there to give me guidance. I had my own place I rented prior to, and negotiated with my landlord to let me out of it. I had to move into his home with a few roommates to ensure his home was still there when he got back. My fiance still lived at home with her parents because she was saving money for the wedding, a home, and possibly a honeymoon. She was a homebody who wasn’t into being a socialite. She had experienced that in college and left it at college.
She never agreed with me being out all the time and I now look back and realize I did it to forget the past three years. In those three years, my parents got divorced, I was laid off of three times, and had the weight of knowing my father was going to be indicted. The night Julie came over I was down and so was she, as her family is suffering from financial difficulties among other things. We hung out, smoked marijuana, I gave her a back rub, and we kissed. That was that. I already was extremely attracted to this gorgeous friend of mine so now I felt an emotional connection to her. We were intimate for a month when I broke it off with my fiance. I felt guilty for cheating and at the same time excited about Julie. She was the exact opposite of my Kim with the same features. Blonde hair, green eyes, and gorgeous. Kim was responsible, Julie was not. Kim had huge expectations for me, which was good, but made me feel like I had a mountain to climb. Julie was happy with anything and it made me feel good to know I didn’t have to live up to any expectations.
It was June 6th of this year when Julie called me and told me her period was three weeks late. I got her the test, she took it, and we found out she was pregnant. At first I was shocked, then extremely excited and happy. I asked her what she wanted and she agreed that she wanted to keep it. I told her that I would work on expanding the business I had created 7 months earlier to be able to afford the child. I would give her my truck since her car had a hole in the radiator and she didn’t have the money to fix it. She had currently become unemployed as a hairdresser at a salon, but still did house calls for close friends. I told her she could use the truck to get a job, go to the doctors, and to do hair appointments. A couple weeks went by and Julie was still smoking cigarettes and marijuana which alarmed me. She started to seem distant from me all the sudden.
We woke up one morning and she told me she didn’t want the baby anymore. She had too many issues in her life she told me she wanted an abortion. I begged her to reconsider. I told her I would do anything for her to keep it. She didn’t hear my pleas. I then told her that I legally cannot stop her but if she makes that decision that her and I would have to part ways. She then proceeded to pull back on what she said and reconsider. I didn’t want to give her an ultimatum, but it wasn’t a threat, it was a promise. She started not to come around anymore and I decided to get my truck back from her and give her, her stuff back that was at my house. I knew she was still smoking and probably seeing someone else at this point and my heart was breaking more everyday because she was stringing me out. She called me one day said she had a miscarriage, she lied and I knew it.
The next week she tried to tell me she was ectopic, she lied and I knew it. I knew because I would ask questions about the miscarriage and being ectopic and she couldn’t answer them. She was trying to fool me into paying for her abortion under false pretenses. Finally she asked me to fund the regular abortion and I said no. She freaked out. As it turned out she was still seeing her ex whenever she wasn’t with me the whole time we were together. She smoked, drank, and did drugs the entire time she was pregnant. As it goes, after she found out she was pregnant, she got tired of me having high expectations for her. I asked her to be a woman and get her life together. I asked her to quit smoking, doing drugs, drinking, and get a job. As it goes her ex agreed to pay to abort the child not knowing whether it was mine or his.
She came yesterday to my work and told me she had gotten the abortion. It was 15 weeks and it had been mine. I am devastated and feel like I will be for a long time. Only my mom and my oldest and best friend supported my decision of wanting to keep the child whether it came out healthy or not. Every other last person told me to abort, and that was very disappointing to me. I fought tooth and nail to prevent it from happening and it still did. I don’t understand how someone could be so heartless and kill our baby. I am the only surviving male in my family and the only one to carry on my name. I forgot to mention that along with her taking my truck to see her ex. I paid unpaid tickets for her which she had warrants out for because of non payment. I paid for some of her bills. I gave her everything I could and everything I had and she threw it in the trash…
