Trapped between anger and depression
We had dated through high school. We were happy together. We both were adamant about using protection when we were intimate. I loved her… she was my soul mate. When her cycle didn’t start, pregnancy was the last thought we had, until we finally got a home pregnancy test to see if that was the reason why. It was a huge shock to see the little + on the result. It didn’t seem to be such bad news. We had both graduated from high school the previous spring. I was working an apprenticeship and going to vo tech for a local auto dealer. She was taking classes at the local junior college. Having a baby was definitely not in the plans, but we both sat and talked, and we were excited to start a family together. Everything seemed to be fine.
I took off from school early the next week for our first prenatal appointment. When I got to her house, she wasn’t there. “She went to the doctor” her mom told me. I quickly hurried to the doctors office, wanting to share all I could with her. The receptionist said she had never showed up, so I waited. After about 30 minutes, I left and went back to her house, where she was curled up on the couch, miserable, in pain. While she told me what she had done, I was silent… stunned… shocked. All I could keep thinking was “you killed our baby.” I left without saying anything. I just had to get away. I was trapped between anger and depression. Alcohol and drugs became my only companions, which led to me losing my apprenticeship. Life went to hell.
I still get depressed and angry when I think about it. I have two children now and someday I will tell them about their older brother or sister in heaven. I haven’t seen her since that day she told me about the abortion nor do I have any desire to see her. I think it would be too painful, even now after 12 years.
