True Story #8

Posted 06.14.2007

I was born in Auckland, New Zealand in June 1963. I grew up in West Auckland and that is where I now live. I was the eldest of three. Even though I have many fond memories of my childhood, my parents separation when I was 12, shall we say, ended a period of anxiety in my life. I went through school and university. Then left to have a career in the computer industry. I met my wife, after one unsuccessful marriage, at a function for singles. She is from China and was living with her daughter and parents. My wife is thirty nine. We married, and gave birth to a beautiful daughter, who is now three years old. Eighteen months ago we discovered she was pregnant. I felt a mixture of emotions, including fatherly happiness, and was more than ready to take on this new responsibility. My wife however did not feel the same as this was not part of her plans. We had never discussed pregnancy or having another child. She fairly much immediately decided on abortion, and had her mind set on it. Our relationship did have its problems, but we both loved each other and are dedicated parents. My reaction was one of disbelief and a sense of panic. There were many reasons why we could have this child. For me abortion was the last option on the list. We were taking the life of our unborn child. I could see that this was a ride I did not wish to go on. I put my trust in the universe that she would not go through with it. My wife did not see it this way. I think she saw it as some benign operation. She expected me to be there for her. I could not. We had to wait nearly three weeks. The abortion occurred in the same manner of someone having a tooth pulled. I have seen changes in my wife since, a loss of confidence and increased expressions of anger. She has a couple of times expressed regret at the decision. I still wonder where she keeps her sadness. For me I now constantly live with thoughts of the abortion. I wish it would go away. I feel it has kicked the foundations out from our family structure. I love my wife but every time she does anything or say anything there is a sign around her neck saying ‘I killed your child’. I find it hard not to treat her with some degree of contempt. And here is the women I chose to spend the rest of my life with. I feel emotions of deep sadness and of anger. I feel a helplessness and a constant questioning of what I could have done differently. I find it difficult to concentrate or find much interest in normal things. Thank God for my daughter. My use of alcohol has increased and I have taken up smoking. Some of my behaviour has degenerated to something less than desirable. I am now facing charges of reckless driving and failing to give a blood sample. I am angry at this system that let this happen. My wife received little or no counselling and I did not even exist. What the law states and reality are two totally different things. There seems to be absolutely no recognition of the psychological wreckage that can be caused by the abortion, termination of pregnancy, killing of ones own unborn child. What effect it is having on society we can only guess I instinctively knew that this was not a good thing. Sure, I understand my wife made a choice. But I also know that this was a human in its own right, and at three months the same as anybody else – except smaller. Its own disadvantage was that it depended on an environment to survive. It was denied that. I realize I need healing. I am not sure how far I have gone towards that. God somewhere plays a part. Writing this, talking to the right people, reaching out, all will help. When my case comes up I will get a chance to quietly say how it has been for me... abortion and the father.

What could I do
A beautiful gift was given
And cherished
Hoped for
And waited for
Then Taken
I am sorry.
But the price will always be too high.
Go well my little angel.

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