True Story #22

Posted 03.29.2009

I've known my girlfriend for over 20 years and only recently did we become boyfriend/girlfriend. I have been in love with her for many years, though I kept it to myself (again, until recently). Our relationship was deep, spiritual, and passionate. To me, this relationship was exactly how I would imagine a life partner to be, making love was how it was meant to be. We knew each other better than anyone else knew us (other than our parents). Sure, it's anticlimatic, but we got pregant. It was then that (apparently) her real persona came out. It started with the text message: "Yeah. LoL. I'm knocked up". Two or three times a day I'd get a text message like "I don't want this thing", "I need $500 to get rid of it", "I guess I can just throw myself down the stairs...". Fabulous. I told her, repeatedly, that not only was I unwilling to give her money, but I advised her we should keep the baby. Sure, life would be much more complicated than it already was, but we both have kids from other marriages, so it wasn't like we didn't know what we were getting into. I guess the "icing on the cake", so to speak, was when she told me "it's not like we'll ever be together again" and that she "didn't want to be stuck dealing with me". Fabulous. Twice over. Needless to say, we were no longer boyfriend/girlfriend. In fact, within three weeks of her announcement that she was "knocked up" she told me we were breaking up. More "send me money" text messages. I'd see her now and then and she was clearly pregnant. 16 weeks in, she tells me "oh, by the way, I had an abortion two weeks ago". WHAT?!??! I'd been at her house the week before, fixing her computer (yeah, I'm a sap, but I love her); she hadn't said anything about it. Not exactly something one would "forget"... I certainly know I will never forget. It has been three months since the abortion and not a day goes by I do not think of the child that never had a chance to be born -- the sweet spirit cheated out of a life here. I know what it feels like to hold my child for the first time after being born; to rock him to sleep at night; to play with him; and yes, even clean up the puke. WHY DID SHE DO THIS??? What if I had done more, been more forceful? Could I have saved the baby's life?? Not a day goes by without these thoughts. No, I am not healed yet. I cry at night, sometimes when I am driving and the feeling comes welling up seemingly out of nowhere to torture me. I love her so much that it hurts, and it feels as if she could not care less about me. The abortion, to her, was clearly an "oh, by the way" and she seems not affected. How can she be so unfeeling? Our relationship was how I imagined perfect love to be, and she is the standard by which all others will be measured... sadly, they will all come up short. Sure, she terminated our relationship as abruptly as she terminated our baby, but we shared a passion that was without peer. Or at least that was what I thought.

< Prev | Next > | Back to Stories..